self-reflections

there is only one more week of holidays, one more week of being truly free before we tied down with attachment. wherever that might means.


and with six/seven weeks gone, i think i had known myself a little more. heck, i realized i've been wrong about myself!



i really do care about what people think of me, and i HATE to let people down.

i am not a perfectionist. i used to think i am.

i dont really haf high expectations out of myself.

and, perhaps most devastatingly, i have a (still- incurable ) defeatist attitude.


this is not good. at all! i conclude that i can't do it, even when i didnt even try attempting it yet. i realllllly ought to change my mindset. well, at least i surprised myself when i find out that it is not that hard and i can do it. * whatever it means.


so i am trying to overcome my short comings, i am still an artwork which is in progress and unfinished though i am a confirm plus chopped workaholic.=)



i need time!!!!!!

always look forward

i think i shall admit that i have a suay life.

like, when i went to collect my passport... out of the thousands of passport they could have misplaced, they misplaced mine!!!!!! omg... thats how ' charmed' my life is.

and the main reason i did the passport this year, was becoz, shuqin has previously told mi that the poly forum might be at overseas... and thats why i went to do the book. and guess what again... this yr's forum is organised by RP and conducted entirely in SINGAPORE. omg. feel like banging the head already.

but... poly forum is an experience i am definately lookin forward to!!!! *=)

and i went to the galere-friends cafe at cine and discovered that they sO copyed the style and format of cafe cartel!!!!!!!!!! free bread is changed into free soup, which is sub standard and not premium, unlike CC. and the food is like, slightly better than those tender chicken outlets. with better fries. their fries with cheddar cheese was yummmy......*drools!


and cant wait for my jalan kayu makan session with my poly buds!!! miss u all man!=) please dun last min dun turn up OK?!



andFYI... George Bush ( jr) 's IQ is only 90!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 90! can u believe it. clinton's was twice of his! da vinci was around 200. i bet that alex shieh's IQ is higher than the current american prez. like, definately.HA.

incredelous

oh-ooh. i am startin to get annoyed at PM.

slow.

thats what amaida said i was today, durin the lunch crowd. which was quite busy. quite busy= in that small area, durin the 2-3 hours, there was abt 2000 SGD sales and i was the only one tendin to everything in the dinin area.

i am incredulous at her expectations.i seriously still need time to adapt to her and her expectations. and perhaps only her and hers.

besides that, she thinks i am inefficent and disorganized which translates to a Can-be-better which explains why she thinks i am slow. and why xueyun and others can do it but not u...?

well, its a good question to think about why others can but me myself cant... is it about effort? the determination ? the attitude? but i am really tryin to do everythin already asap!

oh my god. with her around, u realllllly have to push urself to reach the limits constantly. so much so that, pushin urself to the limits become a habit and u can constantly improve ur own records everytime u work coz its already a habit. NO SLACKIN.


at least i am comforted that not every single one thinks i am unreasonably slow. the cooks all know i was the only one running around, and under the crazy circumstances, at least they feel righteous for me, at least they know that i am not in the wrong.

they know my wei-qu. my sufferings ? cant reallllly find the english equivalent.

ok whatever. next time i will just walk faster and be a fast forward version of myself.

that cute newbie had decided to quit afterall. and i noe who he reminds me of suddenly, he reminds me of keith kim yu heng!!!!!!!! hahahaah. the same lankiness , nonsense and lame-ness. the lame-ness especially.

they both use the -.- or 0.O as msn nics. if they know each other, i bet they will find themselves more alike than different. they might be related for all i noe............


harris just introduced me to the real facts capped underneath the snapples' cap. i never knew that! he said he is gonna collect snapples' real fact of life and asked me to help him drink snapple and pass him the caps. HA. well, he got me addicted to this hobby as well! i guess u can see me drinkin snapple more and more often...=)

changes

*wEEEeeeeeeeEEEt.


isnt it so sweet when our friends get attached and then they start gettin mushy and squimy ( whatever that means) ... ?


i get goosebumps already!!!! HAH...i feel happy! happy for them. its a different kind of happy compared to finishin a shoppin spree. but i kinda fear seeing them PDA-ing in front of me...

do endorphins come in different forms and labels?

this label would definately be Happy-For-Friends.



dammm..... KK just remind me that only 3 of us r left on the shelve. sounds stressin!!!!!!!! dun stress me!!!!!! AHHHHH!!!=X

but its not our fault if the person we like, dont like us... as i told KK. or in my case, he didnt even bothered to appear!!!!!! i am gettin mad !!!!

my dream guy will be always a dream

what is your type of guy?

people asked me long before i had been tagged to "list down 8 charactersitcs of my dream guy".


when i was 12, my class mate called me up out of the blue... to ask about home work i think, or school related stuff.

then after some time, he Asked. " what type of guys do u like?"

so he gets the honour of being the first person to pose this very interestin question to me.

naively, i could come up with 20 qualites that i thought would appeal to me most. but of coz, even tho i was only 12, i knew such a person wouldnt exist. and even if there is really a guy who could be everything good, i am sure he comes with a baggage of different problems.

and then, after i answered him, he told me something that shut me up in an instant. even if it happen to me now, i would still be at a lost as to how to reply him.

" well, except for being as handsome and cute as you want and smarter than you... i will be everything you want."

silence. stunned.

yup, i still remenber even thou its been like, a decade. i think maybe i slammed the phone down on him or just switched topics or most likely, laughed it off.

yah, i think i had laughed it off. for i didnt noe how to appreciate what a nice, touching statement that was. i didnt even know know how to feel touched , then. geeeex, i must been such a heartless bitch to him.



anyway... i am sick of listing down how my dream guy should be like.


sure i can throw u some adjectives which will surely include tall, rich, smart and wonderful personality and the cliche, looks dun matter to me.


well, guess what.

i met the guy who met all my criteria and he actually likes me and i dumped him.

so... ... after this experience, i totally dun even want to think about who and what will be ideal type of guy.


i met my ideal type and i dun like him.


i cant ans this question now for i have no faith and crediblity in my answer. after all, i might not actually like my perfect type of guy.

well, does this look nice?

the manager said i am rude to customers. rude customers deserve rude service. but who am i to argue ? its all part and parcel of the job. told me my "probation" was over and it was over even before i was aware of it... and who really cares? they know i can do my job well, so they arent that picky over my failure of product knowledge.... * HAHA. though i haf to keep takin the test til i pass, i presume.

i have test outside sch, even as my school has decided to stop testin me the paper-and-pen way.

*groan.

but it is fun. i am learnin how to make coffee! back when i was at swenson, i was already kind of interested in all that stuff. *hee hee. and it is a chance to pick up new skills!!!=)






and it is needed badly.

i duno what to feel

i had just seen my results and i duno how n what to feel for it.

kindda numb already ... but since i passed everything, i guess i should be satisfied. i mean, i wasnt even sure initially whether i could pass IMM or not.

then after one second of feelin satisfied, i start to feel annoyed with myself for gettin such lousy grades.


and now, i had progressed to tellin myself to cheer up and feel content. * at least i never failed.